dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
