Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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