I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
