What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
