i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
