There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
