There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
