I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
