..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
