he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
did i walk over a car last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
