I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
