It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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