Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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