I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
