Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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