are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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