your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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