We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
