as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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