so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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