remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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