He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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