He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
