Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What drink are we having for lunch?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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