there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
