Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize