Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
