I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
