If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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