We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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