Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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