You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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