She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
