Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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