you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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