i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
