then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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