Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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