Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
