I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
