idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
