just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
