Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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