xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
