theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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