I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize