I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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