wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
