I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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