I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
