Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
