When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
