it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize