very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
