Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize