Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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