Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
