Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
