Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
