You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Randomize
