SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
