I haven't been this sober since birth.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
