i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
