I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
