I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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