just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Unless my dick prospects improve this yearโs Halloween costume will include panties with โDTFโ written on them and a push up bra
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