she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
did i just pee glitter
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
