yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize