but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
