How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize