lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
