Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
