you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
